As a service to loyal, patriotic citizens, the Federal Bureau of Investigation has posted secret agent training simulators on their site, www.fbi.gov.

These are real, high-tech simulations to train you in skills needed by FBI special agents, such as memory skills, word search skills, tile-sliding skills, and undercover disguise skills.

The disguise simulator, codenamed “Special Agent Undercover,” really shows off the amazing disguise technology at the disposal of our G-men. The face on the left is the undisguised “Bobby Bureau.” But by using the disguise-o-tronic interface, I easily turned Bobby into the spitting image of me, Sean Gleeson. Then, in mere seconds, I transformed him into a convincing Cindy Sheehan.

I’m glad only loyal, patriotic citizens are allowed to use the fbi.gov website. I would hate for this technology to fall into the hands of al-Qaeda or France.